I AM NOT A COUGAR OR AN MILF
Cougar and MILF are slang terms that were coined after I came towards the end of my dating adventures. But, the concept has been around as long as dating, itself.
I was 48 years old when I began my dating experiences with Match.com. For reasons I didn’t understand at the time, 32 year olds were constantly filling my inbox.
“Hi, you are a very pretty woman. I would like to get to know you.”
“Well, thank you, but I don’t date men that are younger than my children.”
“Why not? Age is just a number. It doesn’t mean anything, I think we could have fun together.”
“Thank you, but no.”
Different names, different pictures, same story, and always the same age, 32. The first few were amusing, but after several years, I got older and became a grandmother. No real prospects had shown themselves to me and I was tired of my emails filled with 32 year olds. My age range was clearly listed on my profile, five years younger than myself.
“Hi, I find your profile very interesting. Would you like to meet for coffee?”
“I’m sorry, but you are too young for me, or I’m too old for you. Either way, you are younger than my youngest son.”
“Age doesn’t matter. It’s just a number. It depends on how you feel inside. We can still have fun together.”
“Well, I feel 85 most days. I am old enough to be your mother. Why would you be interested in dating a grandmother?”
“You seem interesting from your profile. No matter the age, we can have fun.”
“No, I am really interested in knowing why you, at 32, are looking for a much older woman. I would really appreciate you being honest with me.”
“Okay, umm, I watch a lot of porno. Most of the movies have older women in them and they seem very interested in a lot of sex. Women my age aren’t that interested in sex. They are afraid of getting pregnant.”
“Now that is very interesting. You are still too young for me, but I will share some advice with you. The women in the porno movies are actors. They get paid for pretending to like sex. Real women don’t look like that, behave like that, or sound like that when they are having sex, if they are having sex at all in their sixties. Trust me, I have a lot of female friends, some married, some single, and they are not interested in frolicking in the hay, as they say. I wish you luck in your search.”
“That is information I did not have. Are you sure you don’t want to meet?”
“Email me again when you are sixty.”
Been there. Tried it and didn’t want to live in ‘Wayne’s World.’
Like so many other teenagers, this idiot has obviously learned the "arts of the goddess Venus" from internet porn.
Those folks are incredible actors. Especially at "faking it."
The only time I ever saw a dirty movie was when I was in the Navy in Japan, serving in an Armed Forces Radio and Television Services station. I did TV production. One night after my TV board shifted ended at 2 a.m., I returned to my barracks room to find my roommates and pals staring at a porn movie.
I stared at the screen for a few moments and muttered, "Their focus is off and they didn't white balance. That's why the color is so hard. A real amateur production."
My roommates stared at me, puzzled. I had to remember that they were 19 and was 29. I could not understand why these bloody fools simply didn't go out and find a real live woman, instead of staring at an act of fakery and fiction.